Soul Loss: A Modern-Day Disease

Dubai Golden Hour

According to some indigenous cultures, the moment we stop singing, dancing, being enchanted by stories, or the moment we become uncomfortable with “the sweet territory of silence” is when soul loss first occurs. It is a time when our sense of wonder turns into seriousness, courage into fear, play into perfectionism, and humor into righteousness, to name just a few. Soul loss is loss of touch with our authentic expression, our creativity, our innermost self. But how many more people will internalize the belief of the non-creative self? How many more times will we hear or utter ourselves: “I am just not the creative type,” before we realize that creativity isn’t something we either have or don’t have? It is who we are. All 8 billion of us. Yes - you too!

For many people, this loss, this modern-day disease, occurs very early in life. As with any disease, when left untreated, it spreads into all areas until even those around us are affected.

This disease...I know it all too well. I was infected for a large portion of my life.

It first crept in when I stopped singing. My most authentic, visceral expression of the truest self was through voice. And growing up, music was my only medicine. It was the only thing that gave me a sense of comfort and relief from the daily pains and chronic overwhelm of my fragile nervous system. But… My sister didn’t like the sound of it. And as it usually goes with idolizing our older siblings, I felt crushed and literally torn into pieces under the pressure of her disapproval and judgment. The external approval and love were more important than continuing to sing my way into the world. I had to banish this part of me, a part that is the most sacred, most intuitive, wild in nature, animated by the fierce force of creativity—my very own soul. And from there, It only went downhill.

Becoming a Performer

I hope this wasn’t the case for you, but, in school, I wasn’t taught by authentic, empowered creatives or adults in general. They were largely infected people who transmitted the disease of soul loss to us. So instead of breaking the boundaries, showing up in our own glories, and exercising our birthright, we were taught the “correct way” as if there was only one way to be and do anything in this life. Have you noticed how in school, students are given lessons first, and then they do a test? And how life is exactly the opposite. Life tests you first, and then you learn a lesson.

All that to say that school only enforced this belief that I needed to perform for approval (grade) and follow a certain way that was given to me, that didn’t originate from me, and I was not to question it. On top of that, living in a patriarchal value system that gives little value to emotion, intuition, and creative expression, I saw no other way but to “focus on what is important”. Yeah, you know what that is. How many of us are still struggling with defining this for ourselves?

However, in spite of pushing these parts of ourselves down, deep into unconsciousness, they don’t go away; it is only a matter of time before we will pick up their scent and embark on a search of a lifetime.

Remembrance

Too many women made a terrible vow years before they knew any better. As young women, they were starved of basic encouragement and support, and so filled with sorrow and resignation, they put down their pens, closed up their words, turned off their singing, rolled up their artwork, and vowed never to touch them ever again.

—Clarissa Pinkola Estes

Our creativity is our birthright, and our soul is our true identity. Not the persona we created to survive, to please and appease our family members and the larger family—our culture. Alas, we forget. Therefore, to recover a soul, one must remember.

But how does one remember if there is no access to this part that we pushed into the depths of our unconscious material, you may ask. Well, the fact that you are here means that you have at least begun to recognize her* scent.

Ask yourself: Where in my life have I stopped singing? Where in my life have I stopped dancing? Where in my life have I stopped being enchanted by stories or stopped being comfortable with silence? The questions we ask will vary based on the culture we grew up in and our uniqueness. For some, it could be a question of when they stopped drawing, painting, sculpting, making something out of nothing, baking, gardening, sewing, designing, telling the truth, you name it. Regardless of the act, you will know what it is because you never thought of it as separate from you back then. You were that. That’s why, if you were criticized or shamed for it, you likely took it against yourself in totality. Your drawing is awful! Therefore, I must be awful is what gets internalized.

Permission Slip

Carl Jung once said: “Until we make the unconscious conscious, it will direct our lives and we will call it fate.” So once we get a sense of what has been lost, we can move on to the next step - giving ourselves permission to engage with that now conscious material without judgment, pressure, deadline, or focus on the outcome. Know that some grief may surface at this point; it is only natural. Grief carries wisdom and healing. Honor it and let it express itself through you. Give it a voice through your creative expression. And really engaging with the creative process itself, with no attachments to the “end product”. And if you still need it to come from the outside, here it is. This is your permission slip. Now go and do what you need to do.

Dedication

Just like in any recovery, showing up and following through is the key. It is not enough to do it once. It is instead a practice. Therefore, one must engage with it regularly. I don’t mean that daily and at a specific time will work for everyone; that is not true. Every single person must find what is right for them and do that. And it may look very different for different people. You must look to nature and realize that nothing in nature is the same. Life on earth is filled with diversity, so we may as well, once and for all, stop trying to be something we are not and “do” life according to other people’s standards. Every leaf, every flower, every tree, every species, every species within the species - all unique. No single wave is the same as the previous one, yet they all are made of the same ocean. We belong to nature with our human nature.

Obstacles to recovery

Going back to practice… it is not enough to plan for it; we must also account for obstacles that might surface. We will likely persevere if we are aware of our limiting beliefs and saboteur behaviors. For example, one of the most common ones in my life is getting distracted by too many things and jumping quickly from one task to another. So being honest with myself and admitting this truth, I can now plan for it. I can set an intention, switch off my phone, and inform my loved one that I am going in and will be available again at a certain time. It doesn’t always work, and that’s okay. As long as we come back, let go of judgment and begin anew, in time, we will strengthen this muscle to the point of becoming second nature. The goal is to keep at it.

Are you in recovery?

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• Yes! Been on the journey for a while.
• Just starting!
• Totally recovered. Yay! :D
• Never lost it.